Rebellion
by Diamond of Long Cleeve747
Summary: The Fellowship has started a rebellion. Against what, you might ask? The revolt against the terror all handsome male characters fear the most...
1. The Rebellion Begins

Disclaimer: If you believe all these characters were mine, then I have a ship called the Gullible I'd like to sell to you. Updated author's note: On the request of two people, the Elilah Wood reference has been removed.   
  
Chapter One   
  
A rustling caught Aragorn's attention. He turned on the spot, his light eyes traveling along the extent of the low lying hedges.   
  
"What do you see?" Legolas asked, moving to stand by his right. Aragorn gestured for silence, and stared harder at the shrubbery. There was no explanation for the cause.   
  
"Strider?" Frodo whispered softly.  
  
"We mustn't tarry." Boromir hissed, joining Aragorn, his hand on the hilt of his sword. Aragorn sighed, giving the brush one last glance, and turning to the others.   
  
"We are being tracked." he explained bluntly. Frodo's eyes widened as his hand fluttered to his neck, where hung the Ring.   
  
"Gollum?" the Ringbearer inquired, craning his neck as if he expected the CGI creature to leap from the bushes and give him an excuse to make gasping sounds so the others would think he was dying.   
  
"I know not." Aragorn exhaled, "But we must maintain caution, and try to lose our pursuer. Let us hope it is not one of them." he put on a noble face, as if to remind the Fellowship that he was, after all, going to be a king.   
  
"Let us continue." Gimli growled, adjusting his pack to his other shoulder.   
  
So on they trekked, forever feeling as if they were being followed. Legolas continually shooting glances behind them to insure there was danger following.   
  
On the second night of the enduring rustling, Boromir swore he would find the source, and disappeared.   
  
Aragorn watched as Merry and Pippin conversed in low tones, occasionally looking around fearfully. Frodo sat alone, staring off into space.   
  
The ranger approached the latter, "What is on your mind, small one?" Frodo sighed, and looked Aragorn in the eyes.   
  
"Do you think Gandalf is at rest?" he asked finally.   
  
"That I can not answer." Aragorn admitted.   
  
"I reckon he's off in the Grey lands, Mr. Frodo." Sam supplied, joining them. Frodo gave a small smile, and said nothing more.   
  
Boromir captured everyone's attention by stumbling out from behind a thicket, holding a struggling being dressed in odd clothes. "Boromir!" Legolas cried, and seized one of the flailing limbs of the form.   
  
"Let go of me. Ouch! Let go!" the person snapped, the voice revealing the gender. Thrusting her face forward, she jerked her hand from Legolas's grasp, and stamped aggressively at Boromir's foot.   
  
"Who are you?" Aragorn demanded, brandishing his sword. The girl's eyes widened as she looked around at the eight.   
  
"Oh my god, this is so freaky!" she exclaimed, shoving some of her dark brown hair out of her face.   
  
"Are you one of them?" Aragorn demanded, unsheathing his sword. The girl's already big eyes widened even further, and she gave a little smile, "Hey guys, what's up?"   
  
"Answer the question!" Gimli growled. The girl shrugged, and asked, "What do you mean, 'one of them?'"  
  
All the members of the fellowship sighed deeply, and many sympathetic glances were shot at Legolas and Frodo. Aragorn took a step forward.   
  
"Almost every day now, we have been plagued by mysterious and beautiful women, not of this world. They refuse to see reason, and do naught but shriek, giggle, and philander, in the most uncouth ways to mainly Legolas and Frodo. To add to that, they expect us to accept them, and let them follow us on our mission."   
  
"Idiot rag-tags dangling at our tails," Boromir snapped, "as if we had nothing better to do than invite them on our quest, as if it was a simple walk with no great consequences."   
  
"God, this isn't how this is supposed to be." The girl whined, "You're supposed to be struck dumb with my beauty." As if to show of the assumed trait, she struck a pose, and smiled coyly at Legolas.   
  
The Elf shuddered, having the feeling that one of the many phrases that had been directed towards him since he joined the Fellowship was inevitable. He sighed, what would it be this time? 'Hey, Sexy Elf?' 'What's up, you prince of hotness, you?' or perhaps 'God, you are sooooo hot?'   
  
And then it came.   
  
"So, sexy, you're not going to let them turn me away, are you?" The girl simpered. Legolas recoiled, and Frodo shot him a look of utmost empathy.  
  
"You will leave now," Aragorn began, "and tell the women of your world to stop bothering us. Am I clear?"   
  
"Yes, Father." The girl snapped, then she paused, "Unless I can come with you?"   
  
"Never." Boromir spat.   
  
"Well, fine then," the girl stammered in a baffled sort of way, "I'll just-uh-go back to psych. class through the portal under my desk."   
  
She stood awkwardly for a moment, looking around at the others. The Fellowship waited for her to depart. The girl looked down, as if trying to remember something. Then she lifted her face up, and began, "Wind, rain, sun rebirth, take me back to planet Earth."   
  
Sparks flew from her, and then she was gone.   
  
Legolas heaved a sigh of unadulterated relief, "Let us continue, before we are tracked again."   
  
"We must find a way to stop them!" Gimli declared.   
  
"But how?" Boromir demanded.   
  
"We could trap them." Pippin suggested.   
  
"And then throw them all in the Brandywine." Merry added. Frodo grinned, despite his heavy heart.   
  
"Nay, we shouldn't kill them." Aragorn replied, "But trapping them is a good notion."   
  
Pippin beamed.   
  
"How would we trap them?" Sam inquired.   
  
"Perhaps lure them with something..." Boromir trailed off, and all eyes rested fixedly on Legolas.   
  
The Elf panicked, "Not I! Please, Elessar, have mercy!"   
  
Aragorn smiled grimly, "It is for the good of the company, my friend."   
  
"Perhaps Frodo might act as bait." Legolas pleaded. Frodo widened his eyes, shaking his head as his fingers clutched the Ring around his neck; as a reminder that he was the Ringbearer.   
  
"He's got enough to worry about as it." Sam defended.   
  
"It would seem the Elf is our choice." Gimli snickered. Legolas glared at the Dwarf, and straightened up even more than usual.   
  
"I shall do what I can, for the good of the company," he sighed, running his hand through his hair. At least, his hand reached the top of his head, where it promptly got stuck. Had his hair been Hobbit-hair length, the gesture would have been effective, but since his hair was up and braided, he had to slide his hand back forward, and hope no one saw.   
  
There was a moment of silence.   
  
"How will we trap them?" Merry asked.  
  
"A ditch, perhaps?" Gimli proposed.   
  
"A net." Boromir advised, thinking back on his glorious days of hunting, when he and his men hunted the wild men of the forest, and caught them in nets. But that's a whole other story.   
"A cage?" Frodo offered, remembering when he and Pippin had gone searching for chickens. The memory made him grin. Pippin had also been reminded of the outing at the mention of a cage, and chuckled.   
  
"A cage would require assembly, as would a net," Aragorn thought out loud, "but a ditch, although it might take a morning, would suffice."   
  
"We have no shovels," stated Gimli. "What a clever dwarf." Legolas muttered  
  
"Maybe a cage would be better." Sam suggested.   
  
"Ai." Boromir agreed, "Halflings, go find branches."   
  
"Whack them off the very trees if you must." Gimli added, shooting a daring glare at Legolas, who remained quiet.   
  
"Now, what must the dimensions be?" Aragorn wondered.   
  
"Well, they're usually really tall." Frodo answered, "So if we make the cage as high as Boromir, it should work."   
  
"And they're never fat, so it won't have to be very wide." Pippin added.   
  
And thus, the revolt against Mary Sues had begun.   
  
--------------  
  
Good? Bad? Worth reading the next chapter? Input would be lovely, unless, of course, reviewing is against your religion, which in that case you have my sympathies. Odds' fish, I'm rambling again. 


	2. An Unexpected Sunrise

Chapter Two   
  
By evening, the Fellowship had successfully built a cage. It was six and a half feet high, and two feet wide on either side. A rope was tied to the top, and the loop over a convenient tree limb, and then under another branch, and the tied to a third branch. The idea was that Boromir would scale the tree, and wait for the girl, drawn by Legolas, to stand directly under the cage, then he would untie the knot, and let it drop.   
  
"Now what?" Sam asked.  
  
"We wait for one of them to come." Aragorn replied.   
  
"Undoubtably soon." Legolas acknowledged bitterly.   
  
"Our sympathies, friend." Boromir added apologetically, covering his mouth to hide a smirk. Aragorn built a fire, and the fellowship gathered around it, and ate their dinner.   
  
As darkness fell, their guard was lessened, and the Hobbits and Gimli went to sleep. Aragorn, Legolas, and Boromir, however, remained awake, and talked softly about the road.   
  
A rosy glow climbed from the east, and the three looked startled at the horizon.   
  
" 'Tis midnight!" Legolas exclaimed, forgetting to keep his voice down.   
  
"There is something evil afoot." Aragorn muttered, "Boromir, ascend the tree, this may be the sorcery of one of them."   
  
Without a word, Boromir hurried up the tree out of sight from unexpecting eyes. Frodo, who had been awakened by Legolas's cry, asked what was wrong.   
  
"Wake the others, and find a place to hide." Aragorn hissed. Frodo did just that, and as Merry, who was the last to be woken, had hid himself with the others in a bush, a figure revealed herself from the shadows.   
  
"What a lovely morning!" She cried, and then looked around. Aragorn was watching her like a hawk, and her stereotypically large eyes widened.   
  
"My lord." She cooed, bowing. Then her eyes rested on the only other person visible. Legolas winced as their eyes connected.   
  
"God is great," She began, "God is just, let us thank him for Legolas."   
  
The lameness of the rhyme caught the Elf off guard momentarily, but then he remembered his task.   
  
He stood up from his relaxed sitting, and started, "Good morning, fair damsel."   
  
The young woman preened, and flipped her typically flowing long hair, and took a few steps closer.   
  
"Strange is the hour that the sun decides to warm us." Legolas commented, unsure of what to do next. His eyes flitted briefly to the cage suspended above him.   
  
She nodded, and advanced on him. Legolas was suddenly seized by a panic attack, but tried to hide it from his face.   
  
"Come closer." He found himself saying.   
  
"I was going to." She replied, sidling up to him. Legolas's eyes darted around. He had the urge to start running and not stop until he was back safe in Mirkwood.   
He regained his composure somewhat, because the girl was looking curiously up at him, batting her eyes sweetly.   
  
"Stand there." The Elf ordered. Willingly, the girl moved to his bidding, "What for?"   
  
"I... wish to view your beauty from afar." Legolas finished. Grinning triumphantly, the teenager nodded, and Legolas backed away. No sooner had he done so, then there was a soft sound of rope brushing against wood, a thump, and an indignant shriek.   
  
Aragorn pounced on the cage, holding it down. The young woman was trying to heave it up off of her, but Gimli had also rushed out, and was gripping it on the other side. Had the author of this particular Mary-Sue story given the girl strength at all, she might have budged the cage a bit. However, this Mary-Sue was supposed to be weak and helpless, needing the help of a man, or Elf, for that matter, to aid her in any slightly hard labor.   
  
Boromir swung down to the ground, and the Hobbits also came out of secrecy.   
  
"What is this?!" She demanded.   
  
"You have been caught." Pippin said aggressivley, as though the whole plan was his.   
  
"So not fair!" She yelled, shaking the cage.   
  
"You speak as though you understand what true injustice is." Aragorn spat. The girl quieted down, and glared at him, "Fine, what is your definition of it?" She replied.   
  
"It is unfair that Middle Earth is jeopardized by the existence of a ring." Frodo snarled.   
  
"And that we have so much to do, and so far to travel, and still we must be plagued by silly schrieking girls." Boromir added.  
  
"What do you want me to do about it?" The girl countered.   
  
"Leave." Gimli growled.   
  
"Like I know how." After a pause, she changed tack faster than Pippin could screw something up, "I'm trapped in this world. You think I want to be here? I'd rather be back at my house in Florida. You tell me how to leave, and I'll go."   
  
Swifter than the wind, Boromir had unsheathed his sword, and was holding it against her long white neck.   
  
"Fine!" She screamed, and with a glare at Boromir, she clutched at a necklace around her neck, mumbled a few things, and then disappeared.   
  
"That's that." Aragorn concluded. The sun, which had just climbed from the horizon, dipped back down, and the world plunged back into night.   
  
Boromir pulled the rope down from the tree, and patted the cage, " 'Twas a good strategy. You did your part well, Legolas."   
  
Silence answered his remark. The seven turned around to see the Elf standing off to the side, tugging anxiously at his braid while he muttered something in Elvish.   
  
"What ails you?" Aragorn asked. Legolas jerked, his eyes wide, but said nothing.   
  
"You should get rest." Aragorn directed to the Hobbits, but his mind still puzzled over the Elf.   
  
.  
  
In the morning, the Fellowship continued on their way. Boromir had strapped the cage to his back, and if the Felloship had been an odd-looking company before, now they were down-right peculiar. (A/N: I should have liked to use the adjective queer, but since my evil generation has twisted the meaning of that word, I am forced to use peculiar as a substitution.)  
  
Legolas had not uttered a word since the night before, but focused on the ground. Every so often, Frodo reckoned he heard an Elvish prayer for mercy and sanctuary escape from Legolas's lips, but he wasn't sure if it was the Elf, or merely the wind.  
  
At noon, when Pippin requested a break for the third time, the company stopped. Small rations of food went round, and everyone was relaxed.   
  
Too relaxed, it seemed.   
  
Out from behind a tree tumbled two girls, both giggling and talking incessantly.   
  
The fellowship moved as one. The Hobbits and Gimli rushed out of sight, while Boromir unstrapped the caged, and dodged from view, leaving Aragorn and a wimpering Legolas to face the undesirable duo.   
  
The two girls jumped to their feet. Both were less than twenty, but older than fifteen. One had long red hair, and the other had short blonde hair. Both, of course, possessed large rapidly blinking eyes.   
  
"Oh. my. God." The one with red hair began, "Stacie, I think we're in Middle Earth!"   
  
Both shrieked. Aragorn felt Legolas cringe beside him.   
  
"Yo, Aragorn." The blonde one started, giggling still. "Where's your short friend with the dreamy blue eyes?"   
  
"Frodo?" Aragron asked. Legolas relaxed noticably.   
  
"What business do you have with Frodo?" Aragorn demanded. "What business do we have with Frodo?!" Both repeated, looking, as meaningful as their brains would allow, at each other.   
  
"A make-out session, I believe." The blonde girl replied. The other girl rolled her eyes, "She wants Elijah Wood. I'll have that fine pointy-eared treat behind you."   
  
Legolas recoiled with horror and disgust. The girl, obviously misinterpreting him, winked. Legolas felt his eye twitch, took a step back.   
  
"You feel as if you can just select one of us?" Aragorn asked softly, but dangerously.   
  
"Well, duh. This is MY story." The blonde retorted. Faster than the auburn could wink suggestively at Legolas, Aragorn was holding Anduril against the blonde's throat.   
  
"Nay, m'lady, I think not." He whispered threateningly. Both girls made a squeaking sound. The girl with red hair tugged at her friend's sleeve.   
  
"C'mon, lets go. Maybe we can get into the Faculty, and you can have Elijah Wood there, and I can have Ben Afleck or something."   
  
"K." The blonde bleated.   
  
"Leave now, and never come back." Aragorn finished, unknowingly quoting a character he would never see.   
  
Aragorn sheathed his sword again, and the two scuttled off. Legolas collapsed in a nervous heap, shutting his eyes tight to stop the fluttering.   
  
"We didn't even need the cage." Boromir stated rather disappointedly as he came back into view.   
  
"Is there no way to stop them?" Frodo asked desperately. He himself had been fearful after hearing what the blonde had said.   
  
"We must find a way." Aragorn replied resolutely, glancing at the crumpled heap that was Legolas.   
  
"Perhaps one of these Elves can help us." Gimli grunted. The seven others jerked, and looked up. So wrapped up in their problems, they failed to notice the two dozen blonde Elves all aiming arrows at them.   
  
.  
  
That evening was spent in Lorien. Nothing eventful happened, unless you count the meeting with Galadriel and the phased Celeborn.   
  
Legolas sat on a flet with Haldir and a young blonde Elf by the name of Galawe. He had just finished telling the two of his trials and great misfortune. To his astonishment, Haldir informed him that he was not alone in his strife.   
  
"Ai, mellon," Haldir began, "Twice have I been plagued by beautiful and mysterious young women."   
  
"What did you do?" Legolas demanded.   
  
"I sent them both down the Anduin in faulty boats." Haldir snickered.   
  
" 'Twas my idea." Galawe interjected, "Don't look at me like that, Legolas, they might not have died."   
  
"We turned them away, surely," Legolas replied defensively, "but send them to their death?"   
  
"You didn't see the way they acted and dressed." Haldir responded. Legolas shuddered, "I can only too well imagine."   
  
"Legs bare to the thigh?" Galawe commented, making a face, "It was as if they wore nothing at all."   
  
"Shameless." The three exhaled together, shaking their heads.   
  
.  
  
Meanwhile, the rest of the fellowship sat at the roots of one of the great Mallorn trees. Gimli sat off to the side, muttering to himself about arrogant Elves, and other irrelevent problems of his.   
  
Aragorn and Boromir rested quietly by the four talkative hobbits, watching in amusement as Sam tried to enlighten Merry on why one couldn't plant carrots next to a grapevine.   
  
"I still don't understand." Merry sighed. Sam inhaled deeply, and responded, "The carrots grow in the ground-"   
  
"Well we know tha'." Pippin interrupted. Sam scowled, and continued, "-in the ground, and leave the earth around them soaked with carrot stuff."   
  
"And how do you know that, Sam?" Frodo laughed, "Did you eat the dirt?"   
  
"When I was a little one." Sam reddened. Aragorn bit back a chuckle, and Sam finished, "But you see, if you plant grapeseeds by carrots, your grapes end up tasting a bit like carrots."   
  
"But it's combining two of my favorite foods!" Merry exclaimed.   
  
"Do you really want to drink carrot-wine, though?" Sam persisted. The three quieted down, and looked thoughtfully at each other. Sam grinned in triumph.   
  
Pippin opened his mouth to speak, but as he did so, a choir of erie sounding voices wafted down to them. "What is that?" Merry asked, scrambling to his feet.   
  
"They sing of Mithrandir." Replied a voice. The seven turned to see Legolas, looking more relaxed than they had seen him for a good long time.   
  
"What do they say?" Frodo inquired, also rising to his feet. Legolas was silent for a moment, then looked uncomfortable.   
  
"They sing in an ancient language. I cannot tell." He admitted.   
  
The eight sat in silence for awhile, listening to the song, until Aragorn advised everyone to get some rest.   
  
.  
  
"There is a way." Galadriel began slowly, looking ethereally into Aragorn's eyes. The ranger bent low on one knee, with his head bowed, "I beseech you, my Lady, to tell me of the method."   
  
The Elf smiled as she tucked a lock of golden hair behind her ear, "Very well, Elessar. Legolas is the root of your problems-"   
  
Aragorn's head snapped back up, and he interupted hastily, "The fault is not his."   
  
Furrowing her eyebrows, Galadriel continued, "Yet he is the cause of all your problems. He must go, with no other at his side, to the ruins of Malir Sul, and shed a drop of blood for every woman you were plagued by. Then he must kneel with his eyes on the ground, head bent, and wait for the sign."   
  
"And what is that, Lady?" Aragorn inquired.   
  
"He will know it when he sees it."   
  
"How do you know all this?"   
  
Galadriel paused, drawing herself, "The mirror shows many things." She replied simply; not quite the dramatically climactic answer Aragorn was expecting.   
  
"I thank you, Lady, I am forever in your debt." The ranger bowed, and left.   
  
As she heard his footsteps fade away into the distance, Galadriel heaved an un-Elven like sigh, and glanced at the attendant standing in the corner.   
  
"Alright Jess, you can change." She hissed. The attendant smiled, and her features began to meld and morph to reveal the features of a young woman with flowing blonde hair and bright blue eyes.   
  
Galadriel herself had changed to a short and slender woman with large doey eyes and tanned skin.   
  
"Mandy, you were so perfect!" Jess squealed. Mandy, plucking at the Galadriel veil she still wore, grinned, "This is turning out so cool. We'll get Legolas alone, at the heart of the Mary Sue portal. That sexy Elf will never know what hit him."   
  
"You're so brilliant." Jess gushed with admiration.   
  
"What can I say?" Mandy began, "I knew this morphing power would work out. Now we have to beat it, before Galadriel comes back from her lunch-thing with Haldir. Hey," she began, turning to her friend, "Do you think they're having an affair?"   
  
"Duh," Jess laughed, "I mean, Haldir's soo much hotter than Celeborn."   
  
"But even he can't compare with Legolas." Mandy countered. Both girls exhaling dreamily, they hurried to where their backpacks were hidden, and began on their way to the ruins of Malir Sul.   
  
Meanwhile, Aragorn was informing of Legolas about the task before him, neither of the two possibly expecting the cruel trap that lay ahead....  
  
---------------------------  
  
Scorpionfish: You and someone else mentioned the reference, and I've been trying to edit it, but my Mac is being tempermental...  
  
Daniella L'orange: Interesting name... Poor Legolas indeed. Just wait, it will get worse...  
  
Hobbit-eyes: Nifty name. I'm just imagining a pair of eyes sending me a review... Wearing the hair tied back: I do that alot too, in a vent of frustration, but it just makes me more annoyed that I've messed up my hair. Not that I'm a hair pysco or anything...  
  
Alan Bates: LEt the fellowship keep their dignity...If only all authors on fanfiction could do such a thing...  
  
Elven-Star-of-Gold: I don't think I'll go killing of any Mary Sues, unless her purpose in her fic was to depress the fellowship. I'll leave the homocide to Haldir. 


	3. Celeborn Speaks!

Chapter Three  
  
"If he will take no company, he must at least be armed with the cage." Boromir said reluctantly.   
  
Legolas had recovered his old strength, and was now feeling quite good about the whole mission.   
  
The ruins of Malir Sul were but twenty leagues northeast of Rivendell. He'd be backtracking, yes, but his destination was just inside the forest of Mirkwood, and several good parties were something he could look forward to along with the riddance of the horrible young women.   
  
The fact that he was exempted from the Fellowship was a bit depressing, but he knew it was for a greater cause. On second thoughts, perhaps saving the world was more important than scouring it of the demonic women.   
  
With forgotten gusto, Legolas finished packing his bag, and climbed to his feet. The rest of the fellowship, save Gandalf, of course, were there to see him off.   
  
On Legolas's request, the assembly was restricted to just the fellowship. He didn't want the Lady Galadriel to bother herself to see bid farewell, nor did he want any more unwanted attention directed at him.   
  
Besides, anything important Galadriel had to say to him, she already had.   
  
.  
  
Gimli watched with satisfaction as the Elf loped nimbly away. He glanced at the others, who were still watching his exit.   
  
Boromir watched sadly as the cage, his pride and joy, was disappearing into the forest on Legolas's back.   
  
"Let us enjoy this last night we have in Lorien." Aragorn started. With muttered agreement, the seven turned, and headed for the talon the farewell feast was to be held on.   
  
.  
  
"But where is Legolas, Son of Thranduil?" Galadriel asked curiously as they sat down at the long table.   
  
The seven laughed appreciatively.   
  
"Twas a good joke, m'Lady," Boromir chuckled, "Where is Legolas, indeed."   
  
Baffled, Galadriel persisted, "It was no jest, what had become of your Elven companion?"   
  
"Lady, you sent him yourself on the quest, did you not?" Aragorn demanded, suddenly worried. "Nay, my good friend, I have not seen him for days." Galadriel answered.   
  
"A trick!" Frodo exclaimed, leaping to his feet.   
  
"Good!" Gimli cried, "I congradulate the mastermind behind it."   
  
"Who would be able to disguise herself so perfectly as the queen?" Merry pointed out logically.  
  
The table fell silent.  
  
"One of the them." Sam suggested darkly.   
  
"Why would one of them tell Legolas how to seal the portal?" Aragorn asked carefully.   
  
"Unless even the tale of the portal is false." Boromir added.   
  
"Aer gwing aras!" Galadriel sighed, massaging her head.   
  
"We have sent Legolas to his doom!" Pippin cried.   
  
Gimli chuckled, and was instantly hushed.   
  
"Someone must accompany him." Frodo said finally.   
  
"But not you!" Sam exclaimed.   
  
"Well, of course I can't be going, Sam, you Tomnoddy." Frodo replied in a friendly tone. The members of the fellowship looked curiously at one another, as if wondering who would volunteer who next."   
  
"What about the steward's son?" Suggested a voice no one recognized. The fellowship and Elves alike craned their heads to see who had spoken. Galadriel was gazing in a suprised sort of way at Celeborn, who, to everyone's continuing astonishment, finished, "It is obvious that Aragorn must persist with the hobbits, the Dwarf is too slow. What other option is there than Boromir?"   
  
"I-" Boromir stammered, his eyes darting the possesion hung round Frodo's neck, and then back to Celeborn, "I am not about to fail my mission, which was to protect the ringbearer."  
  
"Unexpected problems have arisen, however," Aragorn began, "that demand attention. You aren't about to let Legolas wander unsuspecting into a horde of them, now are you?"   
  
Boromir remembered the twitch of the Elf's eye and the look of horror that constantly clouded his face. He thought of the amount of scantily-clad women that would most assuredly multiply that terror twenty-fold, and he realized that no man, no matter how evil, deserved such a fate.   
  
"Very well," he said resolutely, "I will follow Legolas, but I must leave soon."   
  
.  
  
To say that Legolas frolicked through the forests of Lothlorien would make it seem as if he was a dandy, but the verb sprinted does not convey the joyousness that went into every stride. Therefore, we shall say that he capered merrily through the wood, and leave it at that.   
  
His spirits were high, now that a great responsibility had been relieved from him, and the fact that the nearest Dwarf was leagues behind. He was heading back to his own lands, what more could an Elf want?   
  
Wine, perhaps, and maybe some good poetry...   
  
Legolas bore a wide grin on his face, and, since Elven muscles never tighten or become sore, he was able to smile like there was no tomorrow. The only time he stopped was when he was singing happily about a various river or forest of long ago.   
  
As twilight robbed the blue sky of light, Legolas halted, and looked around. He was in Drimrill Dale, and the vast plains stretched before him inexhaustably.   
  
His gaze lifted to the few stars that had emerged in the dark, and was pleasantly suprised to see one soar across the sky trailing a stream of red light. He continued watching it, unease creeping in as the shooting star continued to fly, zooming closer and closer by the minute.   
  
It was headed right at him!   
  
Legolas flung the cage off his back, and threw himself down amid the high grass. The light landed not ten yards off, and sent a convulsion through the earth. The next sound Legolas heard chilled him to his soul.   
  
"What the heck? Where are we supposed to be?" Cried a loud woman's voice.   
  
"We appear to have broken something." Came a male's voice, that, to Legolas's suprise, sounded eerily familiar.   
  
"Looks like a cage." Came the woman's drawling voice, and Legolas's heart sank as she continued, "But what's a cage doing in the middle of a meadow?"   
  
"'Tis useless now." Sighed the man.   
  
"God, Will! I thought you knew how to go anywhere." Accused the girl, " I tell you, 'take me to Lorien,' you said you'd never heard of it, but could take me there anyway."   
  
"Lady," began the man in a voice that clearly showed he wished ot be anywhere else, "This is in another world entirely. There is only so much power he has to direct us specifically."   
  
Legolas gripped his bow, and drew out an arrow. Ignoring the twitch in his eye, he slowly rose to his feet.   
  
Whatever his mind had prepared him for, it was not this. There was the woman, yes, dressed in her predictably small clothes, but the man, the appearence of the man disturbed Legolas to no end.   
  
He was a young man, with long dark hair from under a large hat with a long feather. He was wearing a white shirt with a leather vest on and odd shoes with buckles on them. The most jarring feature, however, was his face.   
  
It was identical to the Elf's.   
  
-------------------------------------------  
  
Elven-Star-of-Gold: A Mary Sue! A Mary Sue! What should we do? Burn her! Burn the Mary Sue! Sorry, Monty Python moment. It's passed now.   
  
Lyn: Exciting? Yey.  
  
Pennhirwen: Miso soup....never heard of it...  
  
Tinuviel: Is it satisfying? Reading an exceptionally lame Mary Sue was my inspiration. All this, "My Lady, you are beautiful," "My lady, I love you." Yick. Shudder. Ugh.   
  
Hobbit-eyes: You don't like Legolas? I'm scandalized! Not really... I'd let you save him, but your presence would... confuse my plot. Hehehe. 


	4. An Iron Worker and an Obvious Lie

Chapter Four  
  
Boromir did not share the same elatedness Legolas felt as the former plowed through the forest, for trouble and annoyance fell heavy on his brow.   
  
If only he'd refused the task, then, then he would be sleepily happily, without hearing the angry whispered insults being spat from Elf to Dwarf. The ring was farther from him with every stride, and, as he realized this, he stopped, panting for breath.   
  
The ring. He had been so close, so close to snatching it from the foolish halfling, so close to bringing victory to Gondor, so close.   
  
Boromir sighed heavily, and looked up at the dark sky. His legs were exhausted from the lack of exertion for days. He sank to his knees, and quickly ate some of the dried meat Galadriel had supplied him with.   
  
When he was finished, he jumped to his feet and continued running.   
  
.  
  
"Who will leave us next?" Pippin asked curiously that night, as the remaining members sat gathered around their things.   
  
"No one's going to leave anymore." Sam replied stoutly. Frodo remained silent, and looked sadly at the gardner.   
  
"Go to sleep," Aragorn ordered tiredly, "we leave in the morn, and you need your strength."   
  
"I have more strength than the Old Took." Merry whispered to Pippin as the others settled down in their blankets. Pippin nodded, "I say we find the Lady, and see if we may look into her mirror."   
  
Merry grinned excitedly, and the two remained silent until the others were alseep, and then the friends quietly slipped away from the dying fire, and further into the forest.   
  
.  
  
"Oh, so perfect." The girl breathed, clamboring to her feet. The man also leapt nimbly, almost Elven-like, to his buckle shoed feet.   
  
"Stay where you are." Legolas commanded, trying not to let his voice reveal his terror. The man with the identical eyes looked startled at Legolas as he gazed longer at him.   
  
"Who are you?" He asked.   
  
"Legolas Greenleaf," the girl replied promptly, "the sexiest Elf alive."   
  
"Who-" Legolas began, but the girl interrupted him, "That's Will Turner, the sexiest man alive."   
  
Legolas dropped his bow and arrow, and advanced on the man called Will. Will furrowed the same eyebrows, and took a step closer.   
  
It was as if the two had the same thoughts, for they both held up their right hand at the same time.   
  
The only difference was the roughness of Will's hand to Legolas's smooth fair one.   
  
"How is this-" Will stammered. The girl butt in, "God, I knew this was going to happen." "Explain this." Legolas demanded, seizing her by her wrists. The girl raised her eyebrows, and grinned. His confusion and intrigue had eclipsed his previous emotion, but now all the fear returned.   
  
"Does the name Orlando Bloom mean anything to either of you?"   
  
Legolas glanced at Will, who looked just as baffled as he was.   
  
"This isn't going to work." The girl sighed, and was quiet for a minute, then she continued, "Alright, Legolas, when you were born, you had a twin."   
  
"A twin." Legolas repeated unbelievingly.   
  
"Yes, yes you did. Your dad named him Will, but Will was stolen a few days after he was born by the heathen Corsairs of Umbar, and was taken to the Spanish Main."   
  
"The Corsairs of the south traveled all the way to Mirkwood to take my twin." Legolas interjected skeptically. The girl figited, biting her lip, "Yes, because they wanted the Elven prince of Mirkwood to side with them, but when they were heading to the Spanish Main, a hurricane struck, and a piece of lumber whacked off the points of Will's ear. Then he gave his immortality to his surrogate father, who was dying. After that, Will was thrown from the ship. He clung to a bit of driftwood, and was found by a British Navy ship. There he met Elizabeth, and grew up at Cape Royal, and that's that."   
  
Both Will and Legolas stared at her. Then Will broke the silence by barking, "Liar."   
  
"It's-it's true!" The girl stammered.   
  
"My father was a merchant and a good man." Will spat.   
  
"How do you explain the difference in our hair color?" Legolas inquired slyly.   
  
"Forget the technicalities," the girl said airily, "let's go somewhere exciting."   
  
"Go back to your own world." Legolas suggested forcefully.   
  
"Make me." The girl snarled back. In a jiffy, the Elf had both his knives at her throat. Swearing loudly, the girl glared at both Will and Legolas, muttered something, and then disappeared.   
  
"No!" Will cried, his hands darting to where she had been standing only seconds before.   
  
"Did you love her?" Legolas asked, disgusted. Will made a face fo revulsion, "Of course not, but now I have no way to return to Cape Royal, and Elizabeth."   
  
Legolas didn't reply, suddenly feeling rather stupid. There was an awkward silence, and then Legolas began, "Why should you not journey with me?"   
  
"Whither do you go?" Will inquired.   
  
"To the ruins of Malir Sul. I have been sent to close the portal allowing these women into my world."   
  
Will's eyes lit up, "I shall accompany you, then, for I seek the same goal." "Yea, and then we may find the answer to our identical riddle." Legolas added.   
  
.  
  
"The point of the still eludes me!" Legolas laughed the next evening, examing the shiny buckles on Will's removed shoes.   
  
"Decoration, really, and these," Will chuckled, tugging on Legolas's braid, "seem rather womanly, don't you think?"   
  
"Not nearly so much as your sleeves." Legolas countered. Will grinned, and exhaled heavily.   
  
"You didn't believe a word Suzanne said, did you?"   
  
"Nay, my good friend, I did not."   
  
They were quiet for a moment, and then Will explained, "I mean, the notion of us being twins, though far-fetched, would explain things."   
  
"Except for your round ears, dark hair, and mortality."   
  
Will 'Hmmm'ed, and then stretched out on the grass. The two had rested for the night, since Will required sleep, to Legolas's vexation. Yet again, he was weighed down, slowed by humans.   
  
"Alas that Gandalf fell, I'm sure he might have provided us with a worthy answer."   
  
"Is there no one else who might aid us?" Will pressed, sitting up again. Legolas thought hard. Saruman was a traitor, and his word could not be trusted. Thranduil would be able to confirm whether he had fathered twins or just one, but the palace was at the far eastern edge of Mirkwood. Then the answer came to him.   
  
"Radagast." He muttered.   
  
"Radagast?" Will repeated curiously.   
  
"Radagast the Brown," Legolas continued, "I'm sure he might help us, but the problem will be in locating him."   
  
"Where does he live?" Will inquired. Legolas heaved a sigh, and gestured widely with his hands, "Among the trees."   
  
"Well," Legolas's counterpart began optimistically, "that limits our search to just the forests."   
  
The Elf gave a dry laugh, throwing his head back to gaze up at the sky. After a while of silence, Legolas started, "You should sleep; I don't want to have to stop at all tomorrow."   
  
"I'm slowing you down, aren't I?" Will said sharply. Legolas was startled. Yes, Will was a burden, but no one -no one- had ever brought up the suggestion. His statement had annoyed Legolas, almost as if he was smug or something.   
  
"Ai, my like companion, 'twer not for you, I would be at the Gladden River by now."   
  
"Then leave me behind!" Will exclaimed, "I am a hinderance, you admit it, and there is no reason for my presence."   
  
"Right you are, but I insist that you continue with me, so we may find out the reason for our similarities."   
  
"You can't just-just-" Will began indignantly, "-just order me around like your the king of England. Anyway, I'm sure I'm older than you, so if anyone does the demands, it will be me!"   
  
Legolas repressed a grin, and, trying to keep a straight face, ask good-naturedly, "How old are you, then?"   
  
"Twenty-four." Will replied shortly.   
  
"I am over two thousand. That gives me quite a few years superior to yours." Legolas finished triumphantly.   
Will looked hard at him, and then shrugged. "Fine. You win. I'm going to sleep now, because, if you insist, we won't lag tomorrow."   
  
Legolas watched Will curl up and slowly fall asleep, feeling somehow that he hadn't won.   
  
.  
  
Early in the morning of Boromir's third day running, he heard a curious sound of hammering. He wondered wildly what other nearby settlements were nearby, but he couldn't recall a single one.   
  
Slowly the sound grew nearer a la Doppler Effect. At last Boromir entered a clearing in the woods, and an unexpected sight held his gaze.   
  
A woman was bent over, beating a metal rod flat. A roaring fire raged nearby with various tools half submerged in the flame. A little ways off a small house stood. By the woman lay more flat pieces of metal, and she straightened up, rubbing her brow with a piece of cloth.   
  
Turning around, she caught sight of Boromir, and smiled.   
  
"Greetings!" She called, beckoning him closer. As he took a few steps forwards, he noticed that she had a simple kind of beauty. Her long brown hair was wrapped high on her head to keep off her neck, and her bright green eyes flashed humourously.   
  
"Who are you?" Boromir inquired. The woman, fanning her hot face with her apron, replied, "Anganwen the iron worker, and you?"   
  
Boromir, holding himself a little higher, answered, "I am Boromir, son of Denethor, Steward of Gondor."   
  
Anganwen dropped into a bow, and then bobbed up smiling. "It is an honor, my Lord, how may I serve you?"   
  
"How skilled are you with iron?"   
  
"All the members of my family going back to the second age have been master crafters. To not do my utmost best would be dishonorable, and I would never dare disappoint my father so." Anganwen assured him.   
  
"Would you make me a cage?" Boromir requested.   
  
"Of course. The dimensions?"   
  
"Six feet by two by two."   
  
Anganwen's eyebrows raised, "What do you intend to catch?"   
  
"Women." Boromir replied thoughtlessly. Seeing her eyes widen, he checked himself, "Not for that purpose! No, they don't belong in this world, so I send them back to their own world. My intentions, I assure you, are honorable."  
  
Anganwen nodded hesitantly, still looking worried.   
  
"You have my word as the future steward of Gondor, your work will not be used for ill." Boromir swore. Finally cracking a smile, Anganwen nodded more zealously, and went back to her work.   
  
-----------------  
  
Imithwennyere: Long name. Thanks for reading. Can you imagine Sauron being plagued by fangirls? Or Melkor? The image makes me chuckle.  
  
Hobbit-eyes: Sprang....Is there such a word? Ring rung rung. Spring sprang sprung. Sure. Why to like Elizabeth Swann? She wears nifty dresses and hats. She has a British accent. She gets 'drunk' with Captain Jack Sparrow and kisses Will. Who could ask for anything more?  
  
Chrysoprase: You're name confuses me to no end... Someone will save him! Never fear! 


	5. Tongs, the Innuendo, and a Death Threat

Chapter Five   
  
"You know," Will panted the next afternoon as the two were sprinting along, "I hate to tell you this, but-"  
  
The young Turner collapsed to the ground. Although Legolas had heard the sudden stop in Will's apology, and the thud that followed, it was a good ten yards before he realized his companion was not with him. Turning around to see the fallen form, he bit back a yell of frustration, and doubled back.   
  
Will heaved himself into a sitting position, his chest heaving desperately for air. Legolas dropped down on his knees, and sighed, "I guess now is as good as a time as any for lunch."  
  
Pausing from his gasping, Will cocked his head sideways at him, "Suzanne told me Elves didn't need food." "Did you believe everything she told you?" Legolas demanded. Will shrugged, watching the Elf dig around in his pack. He withdrew some dried meat, and a flask of water, handing both to Will.   
  
The two ate, and when Will's breathing went back to normal, Legolas stood up, "Let us continue."   
  
Reluctantly, Will climbed to his feet, and the two continued on their way.   
  
.  
  
By nightfall, Anganwen had all the pieces hammered out. Wiping her brow, she turned around to look at Boromir, "I should have it finished by tomorrow. Would you care to stay the night?"   
  
"If I would not be a burden, all I require a flat surface." Boromir answered graciously. Anganwen shook her head, grinning, "Follow me."   
  
As the two were heading to the small house, footsteps behind them made both whirl around. Anganwen, who was still grasping her fire tongs, wielded them viciously at the approaching young woman who had flung both arms out in a potential hug.   
  
"Kelsey!" She screamed. Anganwen's expression changed to sheer confusion as she beheld the advancing figure. The teenager halted, looking confused. Her hands dropped pointlessly to her sides. "Kelsey? Is that you?" Anganwen shot Boromir a puzzled look, and then looked back at the teenager, "I am not this Kelsey you speak of, I can assure you."   
  
"You look just like her." The woman persisted. Boromir drew out his sword, "Are you accusing Anganwen of lying?" The girl's eyes widened as she looked at the sword. Then she smirked, "You won't hurt me. By the way, does the same rule about lightsabers apply to swords?"   
  
Boromir had no idea what she was implying, but he had the impression it was not what a young woman should be talking about.   
  
"Leave now" he demanded, "or so help me, I will skewer you like a boar on a spit."   
  
A look of digust grew on her face, "Gross. I'll just be on my way in search of Kelsey, then."   
  
"You didn't understand me," Boromir continued, "I meant to leave this world. Go back to your own, and trouble us no more."   
  
"Are you kidding?!" She countered, "I haven't even seen the Prince of Hotness yet. Legolas." She added, seeing both bewildered faces. Anganwen strode forward, still clutching the tongs, widened them, and placed them by both of the girl's ears.   
  
"Do you hear that hissing?" Anganwen asked in a low voice, "The metal is still very, very hot. Now you can either leave now, or have an interesting brand to show all your friends."   
  
Boromir watched in awe as Anganwen whispered something else to the girl. Whatever she had said must have been effective, for the girl made a gesture with both hands, and disappeared.   
  
"You handled that impressively." Boromir noted. Snapping the tongs shut, Anganwen nodded satisfiedly, "Now I'll show you where you can sleep."   
  
.  
  
"Hey you sexy Elf, you."   
  
Will jerked in his sleep. He slowly opened his eyes, and then forced himself not to jump or reveal his consciousness.   
  
A girl had appeared by the dying fire right next to Legolas, who was looking horrified, the whites of his eyes encircling his irises.   
  
"Go away." Legolas whimpered, drawing himself up in a tight ball. Will wondered if he had just seen the Elf's eye twitch.   
  
The girl laughed, and Will's blood grew hot with anger. It was the women like this that had separated him from Elizabeth in the first place. Trying not to be noticed, he reached his sword (one he had forged himself), and tried to shrink into the dark.   
  
"Where's the rest of the fellowship?" The teenaged-girl asked. A sound not unlike a squeak came from Legolas in reply.   
  
Waiting no longer, Will leapt to his feet, flashing his sword in the firelight. The girl inhaled sharply, and then smiled widely.   
  
"Two Orlandos in one place; how lucky am I?" She exclaimed, scrambling to her feet. "Not very." Will snapped, unsure what she had meant.   
  
The girl pouted, "Have pity on me."   
  
"Never." Will countered, "Leave this instant, and tell Suzanne that she's a filthy lying whelp."   
  
"A whelp? That's cute. Sweetie, I don't know any Suzanne, but if I see her, I'll relay the message."   
  
"You will leave now." Will ordered. The girl put both hands on her hips, "Or what? Whatcha gonna do? Threaten me?"   
  
"No." Will replied, looking around wildly for inspiration.   
  
And then it came.   
  
Will seized Legolas by the arm, and hauled him to his feet. Holding his sword at Legolas's throat, he growled, "Leave now or your Elf gets it."   
  
The girl gave a scream of horror, glaring at Will. "You disgusting freak, I hate you!"   
  
Will jerked the sword closer, and the girl gasped, covering her mouth with both hands, "Ok, ok, ok. I'll go! Don't kill him!"   
  
Without another word, she vanished. Will relaxed his grip, and it was Legolas's turn to collapse on the ground in a nervous heap.   
  
----------------------  
  
Tinania Legolinde: Legolas, Orlando, and Will. What a perfect world that would be.   
  
Elven-Star-of-Gold: Harboring hatred is fun, unless you harbor it too long... A Mary Sue killing machine? That would come in handy while reading some fanfictions on this site, but don't get me started on my rant...  
  
Hobbit-eyes: Wow, see, if I find something like myself in another person, I find it easier to connect to him/her, but than again, that's me.   
  
Imithwennyere: Ooh, the plot thickens. A disguise? Shan't say nothing here... 


	6. A Pewter Ring, Savvy?

Chapter Six  
  
Boromir awoke later than he usually did. Sitting up, he smelled smoke, and the clanging of steel against steel made him marvel that he hadn't been woken earlier. He ran a hand through his hair (this was his way of brushing his hair most of the time), and left the small house.   
  
Anganwen was hammering red iron to the frame of the cage to sturdy it, and a gleeful feeling filled Boromir as he looked at the marvelous structure.   
  
It was much better than the one of wood, and stronger too, he noted, walking closer. Anganwen turned around, smiling, "It's nearly done. Does it fulfill your expectations?"   
  
"Exceeds them." Boromir complimented, and Anganwen reddened, her smile widening, "I should have it done by this afternoon. If you are thirsty, feel free to draw some water from my well, behind the house."   
  
Boromir nodded, and headed for the said object. The low well was made of stone, and a small iron bucket with a thin rope tied to its handle lay next to it. He dropped the bucket down into the inky hole. Hearing a delayed splash, he waited for a moment, and then began pulling it back up.   
  
This was all very new to him. In Gondor, they had fountains and wells, as all cities did, but he himself had never drawn water from a well. The whole process amused him, and a grin of triumph grew on his face as the bucket slowly appeared from the dark depths.   
  
After drinking some of it, he dumped the rest of it on his face to wash. Something hit him in his right eye, and made him jerk. Rubbing the water from his eyes, he looked around for the offending object.   
  
He found it among the grass. It looked to be a small green ring that grew thicker in one half, and thinner in the other.   
  
"Anganwen." He called. As she rounded the corner of the house, rubbing her hands on her dress, he continued, holding it up, "Whose is this?"   
  
Wearing a perplexed look, Anganwen advanced, peering curiously at the ring. She removed it from his hand, and held it close, her eyebrows knit closely together.   
  
"I know not from where this came." She sighed, handing it the ring back to him.   
  
Boromir made to pocket it, but Anganwen shook her head, "Cast it back in the well from whence it came; it is of no value."  
  
Boromir looked at her oddly, wondering when it had been of value.   
  
"Relieve yourself of it! Throw it back into the well!" Anganwen ordered. Boromir, to spite her, shoved the ring on his smallest finger, the only on it would fit on.   
  
And as Anganwen's wail drowned all other sounds, his world was turned upside down.   
  
.  
  
"Are you alright?" Will asked Legolas, helping him to his feet.   
  
"Forgive me for my display," the Elf begged, "I cannot control myself when one of them comes; I just-"   
  
"Save your breath," Will interrupted, grinning, "we all have our weaknesses. Now I'm going back to sleep. If another one of them comes, just call out, and I'll threaten you again, savvy?"   
  
Realizing he had just said "Savvy," Will grinned, being instantly reminded of Jack. He often wondered if he was pilaging and plundering to his heart's content, living off the wealth from the riches of the Isle de Muerta, or if he was even alive.   
  
He rolled on his back, and fell asleep.   
  
Legolas gingerly sat back down, his eyes darting everywhere, resolved not to be caught off guard again.   
  
Every rustle of leaves made him twitch, and every hiss of the wind sounded like a woman's voice.   
  
------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Hellga: Wow, you know more about Radagast than I do. Nifty. Rhosgobel. Is that not the coolest name ever? Just Russians, huh? I didn't see that one coming...  
  
Hobbit-eyes: No, not everyone's an elf...If only if only. A Hobbit-eyes that is over LEgolas versus a Hobbit-eyes still infatuatated with Legolas...This could be an interesting "Schizophrenic scene" parody. "We finds him pretty- yes we does..." "No! Legolas is for immature fanatic fangirls, not for usss, we are above thatm anre't we, precious?" Ok, I'm done.   
  
Elven-Star-of-Gold: Kill Mary Sues. Yey. The world would be a better place. 


	7. The Power of the Ring, so cliche

A/N: This is a slightly serious chapter towards the end. Hey, life isn't just a bowl of chuckles, chortles, and laughs.   
  
Chapter Seven  
  
Boromir staggered to his feet, looking around wildly. He was in a low ceilinged room encased with white stone. The floor he stood weakly on was a dark blue pattern, and not hard like stone. There were tables everywhere, and young women and a few young men sat at them, working hard at whatever they were doing. "Can I help you?" Asked a voice. Boromir whirled around, and faced an portly, aged woman looking curiously at him.   
  
"Where's Anganwen?" Boromir demanded, moving to unsheath his sword. But then he found nothing at his belt, and an even odder situation struck him.   
  
He wasn't wearing his old clothes. Instead he was wearing stiff black pants and a dark blue shirt with a bothersome collar. His sword was missing, as was, to his horror, the Horn of Gondor.   
  
"Where am I?" He demanded loudly. Most of the young women looked up from their work, and watched interestedly.   
  
"In jewelry craftmanship." The old woman replied simply, "Are you new to this university?"   
  
Boromir stared at her.   
  
"Did you ask for Anganwen?" Inquired a woman, standing up shyly. Whirling on his heel, Boromir strode over to her, and nodded sharply.   
  
"You're talking about Kelsey. Anganwen was her nickname; she created it herself from using her copy of the Silmarillion because she only liked working with iron and pewter when making jewelry. She disappeared a few months ago, have you seen her?" The girl inquired, looking imploringly at him. Boromir gave another curt nod, and the girl gasped.   
  
"Is she alright?"   
  
"Not when I find her." Boromir growled.   
  
Hey, do you know Sean Bean?" One girl called out.   
  
"No." He snapped, "Where is your collection of books and scrolls?"   
  
The old woman furrowed her eyebrows, "The LMC, you mean? Just down the hall and up the stairs. But who are you?"   
  
"Boromir, son of Denethor, steward of Gondor." He barked, and hurried out.   
  
He scurried down the hall until he came a flight of stairs. He went up, but didn't know how far to go. As a young man was passing down, he caught his elbow.   
  
"Where is the Elemsy?" He demanded. The boy cocked his head at him, "The what?"   
  
"The Elemsy."   
  
Dawning struck the boy's face, "Oh, you mean the library media center? Go to the next floor and to your right, you can't miss it."   
  
Forgetting to thank the boy, Boromiw jumped the remaining steps two at a time until he reach the next landing. Turning right, he stood at a wood door.Yanking the door open, he entered.   
  
The room was enormous, with bookshelf upon bookshelf. He looked on in helplessness, not knowing where to start. He seized a random book, and flipped it open.   
  
Dismay settled in. He couldn't read it.   
  
He looked down at his left hand. The pewter ring was still on his smallest finger. With great anger, he wrenched it off, with every intention of hurling it at the closest person, but then the Elemsy, Library Media Center, or whatever it was called, began to spin, and he was cast into darkness.   
  
.  
  
Everything was dark. Boromir looked up at saw a circle of light above him. He was in water up to his chest.   
  
"Hello!" He called. A silhouette blocked part of the circle, "Boromir! Is that you?" Cried a familiar voice.   
  
"Curse you Anganwen, now help me up!" He shouted back. A rope fell down by him, and he grabbed it, and heaved himself up out of the well.   
  
Anganwen stood a little ways off, wringing her hands. At seeing him, however, she flung herself onto him into a hug.   
  
Boromir shrugged her off, and held her at an arms' length.   
  
"You're just another one of them." He spat accusingly. She shook her head vigorously, "No, I'm not- I swear. I'm not crazy about the fellowship, or any of you, really. In fact, I never even liked the whole Lord of the Rings."   
  
"Then why did you come?" Boromir barked, dropping his arms, and kneeling in the grass. Anganwen knelt too, "Because I loved the concept of Middle Earth. I wanted desperately to live here. One day in jewelry craftmanship, I made a ring- that ring- and when I tried it on, it transported me here."   
  
"You don't belong in this world." Boromir snapped. Anganwen's face fell, "I know I don't, but I'm causing no one any harm, and I love this world more than anything else."   
  
"There was a woman- she was concerned for you."   
  
"Amy..." Anganwen sighed, "I do miss her."   
  
"You must return." Boromir said resolutely. "You don't understand!" Anganwen pleaded hopelessly.   
  
Climbing to his feet, Boromir pulled her up, and pressed the ring into her palm, "I don't understand everything, but I do know that this world was not made for you, and that you were created to live on that other earth, no matter how strange it may be. I leave you now- I care not of your fate."   
  
Without another word, he went into the house, hefted his things on his shoulder, emerged into the sunlight, and glanced at Anganwen, who was still looking forlornly at the ring.   
  
He spotted the now-finished cage. Dropping a few coins on her anvil, he gripped the cage, and continued on his journey.   
  
-------------------------------------------  
  
Hobbit-eyes: Boromir sucked into Troy...Now there's a fanfic crossover just begging to be written....  
  
Elven-Star-of-Gold: Pardon? What about the bucket? I'm confused. 


	8. Abduction, but not by UFOs

Chapter Eight  
  
Iron, as Boromir was realizing, weighed much, much more than wood. All day of walking with a large metal cage on his back had lowered him to a sort of limp-hobble.   
  
He finally dropped the cage with a thud, and flung himself on the ground, stretching his aching back.   
  
After nibbling peckishly at some food, Boromir relaxed, gazing up at his dark ceiling of sky. And though his thoughts rested on Gondor, he dreamed of a giant pewter ring wielding a gold cage that was chasing him through Lothlorien.   
  
.  
  
"Mirkwood!" Legolas cried joyfully in the setting sun. Will followed his gaze to a line of dense trees on the horizon. They were forboding and gave him involuntary shudders. Will tried to maintain a normal disposition, after all, he wouldn't like to see Legolas cringing at the site of Cape Royal.   
  
The again, Cape Royal wasn't fenced in by monstrous, old, menacing trees that blocked out the sun itself.   
  
"Many a turn of the leaves have I spent among those ancient trees." Legolas continued, speeding his gait to a near sprint. Making a face behind his back, Will quickened to catch up with him, and soon the two had entered the forest.   
  
After perhaps one hundred paces, Will felt as though it was the deepest part of the night. He could barely see the Elf not three feet from him.   
  
"Oh Mirkwood the fair!" Legolas sang, quickening his pace. Will was enveloped in darkness.   
  
"Don't leave me!" He cried, beginning to run. He promptly caught his foot on a tree root and fell into the underbrush. He heard a merry laugh and a hand help him up.   
  
"I can't see a thing in this accursed forest." Will sighed angrily, mad at his counterpart for, even if only briefly, leaving his limitted vision.   
  
The hand that remained on his wrist tightened like a clamp, and a not-so-happy feeling began stirring in Will's stomach.   
  
"Accursed forest?" The voice, though male, was not Legolas's, demanded hotly.   
  
"I meant no offense-" Will began weakly, but he had already begun to be lead forward quite forcefully.   
  
He heard more footsteps approach, and a new voice, "What have you, Ergil?"   
  
"A man who not only entered our forest without permission, but also called it accursed to my face."   
  
A sharp gasped was heard to Will's far left.   
  
"I came with my friend, Legolas. Perhaps you know him?" He started, but was interrupted by jovial laughing.   
  
"Oh, of course you came with the prince of our realm. Of course we should believe you, stranger, even though he left for Rivendell weeks ago to Elrond's council." Ergil chuckled, and the other voice joined in, "You must have a more err proof excuse to convince we Elves of the Ndaedeldhrim."   
  
"It's true!" Will began vexedly, "He's nearby, I swear to it."   
  
"Perhaps we should leave him here." Ergil suggested mischieviously.  
  
"It might chase the arrogance from him."   
  
"Perhaps the arrogance is not his, but your's." Called a familiar voice. Will heard a thud as though a large object had just landed on the ground, and the grip that was clamped on his wrist loosened.   
  
"My prince," Ergil cried joyfully, "we did not expect your arrival so soon." "I have more urgent matters to settle, now would you be so kind as to release my friend?" Legolas added. The hands were lifted from him, and he took a few steps forward.   
  
"Can we assist you in any way?" The other voice asked helpfully.   
  
"Know you where Radagast currently resides?"   
  
"Ai, in your own father's company." Ergil answered.   
  
"Feasting, no doubt." The other Elf added sullenly.   
  
"I thank you," Legolas graced, "come Will, we have a long walk before us."   
  
Annoyed, Will reminded, "I can't see anything."   
  
A cold metal object was shoved in his hand. A small flame drew near him, and the exploded into a firey light by his head. It was a torch.   
  
Will shot a glare at the two foreign Elves, both of whom had dark brown hair and silvery green cloaks.   
  
Turning back around, he saw Legolas's retreating back, and hurried after him.   
  
.  
  
Boromir stood knee-deep in the Gladden River, wondering how he was supposed to ford it. It wasn't exceptionally wide, but the water was swift, and looked deep. A realization bit into Boromir, and he knew that there was no way her could cross the river and keep the heavy iron cage. Heaving a sigh, he set down the cage on the bank. Then he walked upstream some twenty yards, and waded in.   
  
The Gladden River was made up of the melted snow and ice of the Hithaeglir, and, as you can imagine, disturbingly cold.   
  
Boromir tried to ignore the icy temperature as he waded deeper until the water curled around his chest. Finally his toes couldn't reach the bottom, so he began swimming like mad to get across.   
  
With each stroke he was swept four feet down river, so by the time he had struggled to the other side, the lonely iron cage rested nearly fifty yards away. Shivering, Boromir fell on his back on the bank, and rested until nightfall.   
  
.  
  
"Where are we going again?" Will panted, following after Legolas, who tried to maintain a followable run.   
  
"To the eastern end of Mirkwood," Legolas replied airily; he kept a sharp eye for his kin, who, if he remembered correctly, held feasts in various clearings of the wood at every sunset.   
  
"Are you hungry?" Legolas called behind him.   
  
"Very." Will answered with relief, "Can we stop?"   
  
"Not yet- climb up one of these trees and tell me if the sun has descened to the horizon." Legolas ordered, halting and looking around.   
  
"Why can't you?" Will demanded, "You're the Elf."   
  
"It is because I am the Elf that I must remain on the ground. We can't have another guard hearing your unceasing complaints of my home. Now hurry."   
  
Grumbling, Will selected the closest tree and began to climb it. Legolas watched his identical friend disappear in the canopy, and then began to wander around, searching for a face among the trees.   
  
Meanwhile, after much ascension, Will finally broke from his leafy ceiling and beheld the sky. He hadn't realized how much he had missed the sky until he found it again; its blue slashed with oranges and reds further west, and the fierce wind sending his hair everywhere.   
  
"Sunset!" Will yelled down below, and reluctantly began to descend the tree. He was eventually enveloped into darkness, and his eyes latched onto the torch he had left shoved in the ground.   
  
He jumped down from the lowest branch, and as his feet were recovering from the shock, he looked around for Legolas.   
  
The Elf was nowhere to be seen.   
  
"Legolas!" Will called, panicking. Without Legolas, he was lost in a dark forest infested with Elves bent on mocking him.   
  
He said nothing more, straining his ears to hear even the softest sound. After a few minutes he heard the sound of bubbling laughter, murmuring from a sweet voice, and then a familiar squeak.   
  
"Legolas!" Will repeated louder, trying to locate the source of the sound. He heard another cheery laugh, and the a burst of indescribably bright light exploded perhaps ten yards from him.   
  
Temporarily blinded, Will staggered towards where the light had come from, but when his pupils finally dialated appropriately, there was no one to be seen, heard, or rescued.   
  
Will swore, and then yelled into the darkness "May this horrid forest burn-"   
  
"Do you really want to finish that statement?" Inquired a low voice. Will's heart raced, and he noticed that an Elf had just appeared from behind a nearby tree.   
  
"If you would have let me finish, you would have heard me say 'may this horrid forest burn with heavenly light for all to see its beauty, instead of being masked in darkness.' And by horrid I meant unique." Will added anxiously, "Where I come from horrid has a different meaning."   
  
The Elf's face was skeptical, but he smiled nonetheless, "Why do you wander alone?"   
  
"My companion, Legolas, has been kidnapped."   
  
"Thranduil's son and only heir?" The Elf demanded sharply. Will nodded, and the Elf drew closer, "Know you where he might have been taken?"   
  
"I know where the scum that took him come from- could you guide me to the ruins of Malir Sul?"   
  
"I can, my name is Galadlhach, and there are few Elves that know this forest better than I."   
  
"I'm Will Turner."   
  
"Follow me." Galadlhach commanded, and Will obeyed, still hungry, and feeling even more like a dog than a person.  
  
------------------------------------  
  
limpet666: Yes, I love Faramir (David Wenham-he'll always be Fari to me) in Van Helsing, but it was odd seeing him such a coward. "But you're a monk!" "Actually, I'm just a friar." Or however that dialogue went- it made me chuckle.  
  
Hobbit-eyes: You can't just say Hector. It's HECTOR!!!!!!, just like good 'ol Achilles screeched for ten minutes before he dragged him around in the sand. Curse you Brad Pitt for killing Paris's nifty brother. Anyway, about you writing a similar story: It's fine by me as long as you don't take elements from mine ostentatiously. Hey, if you can write a fic that's persuade people to stop writing Mary Sues...It will be all happy-like.  
  
Hellga: :gasp: You don't want to live in Middle Earth?! Oh well, to each his/her own.   
  
Imithwennyere: Ten points for you for using 'pique' in your review. Savvy savvy savvy. I'd read PotC fics if they weren't all like "Jack Sparrow can't hide his feelings for Will any longer, so he [more or less] kills Elizabeth, and he and Will sail the Black Pearl." Either that, or they ruin the characters' personalities, throwing in savvy anywhere they please. Grrr. A bit like the Chronicles of Narnia? Yey, I was kind of influenced by the whole green ring-yellow ring thing. 


	9. Dangerous Areas

Chapter Nine  
  
"We couldn't possibly stop for a moment to eat?" Will asked wearily. Galadlhach stopped dead in his tracks, and gave a merry laugh, "Oh that's right, isn't it, you men need food daily. Forgive me, but we, or I, for that matter, have rarely entertained men such as yourself for a good long time."   
  
Still chuckling, he gave a shout in Elven, and suddenly torches were lit everywhere, making Will squint in their brightness.   
  
Nearly a dozen wood Elves leapt out from hiding, all of them cheerful and light of step.   
  
"Usually we use them to draw strangers from the path to get hopelessly lost," Galadlhach explained with a laugh, "but they always seem to be right where you need them."   
  
.  
  
Boromir didn't stop his gait until the sun began to rise. He was determined to reach the ruins by the next day, for an urgency had overcome him, and he felt it nessessary to quicken his pace.   
  
He slept not four hours before he continued again, and then kept it up all day, munching some bread as he walked. As he hurried along, his mind wandered much more slowly on matters such as the Ring, and the state of Gondor.   
  
As he was trying to figure out a way to protect Osgiliath more efficiently, he noticed a dense forest growing on his left.   
  
"Mirkwood." He muttered darkly. Boromir had been in Rivendell long enough for that Gloin fellow to inform him exactly how inhospitable the wood Elves had been to him and his company.   
  
Dwarves were such an interesting race, Boromir decided, wondering vexedly why the race of men had to be so dull.   
  
Short life span, demand sleep, food and water, can get sick, and die eventually.   
  
Even Hobbits had it better than men. They were short, stereotypically brunette, and could live much longer than men. Men didn't even have a uniqueness on height or hair color. It could be anything! Boromir's annoyance rose as he considered the luxuries Elves had, and how Dwarves had such fine reputations for being smiths.   
  
The race of men was, if anything, considered brute-ish, greedy, proud, and war mongering.   
  
Damn that double standard among races.   
  
.  
  
"Shall we continue on, then?" Galadlhach inquired jovially. Will sighed, draining his goblet of wine, and rose to his feet.   
  
"So the purpose of those Elves is to be helpful?" Will asked as the bright clearing faded into the darkness.   
  
"They are commoners, they aid those above them, and delight in making travelers stray from their paths to dangerous areas."   
  
"Dangerous areas?" Will repeated, confused. Galadlhach nodded, "Yes; man-eating tree roots, water that puts you to a deadly sleep, long sharp grass blades, and giant spiders are just a few of the dangers in Mirkwood."   
  
"Then why do you live in such a perilous wood?"   
  
"We are protected from outsiders and enemies." The Elf responded shortly. The two walked in silence for awhile, and then Will broke the quiet, "How far are the ruins?"   
  
Galadlhach didn't answer immediately. In fact, he took so much time before replying, WIll almost repeated the question, but he finally said, "Twenty-five leagues, I'll wager. It should take us two and a half days if we continue night and day, but then, you require sleep, now, don't you?"   
  
"Yes." Will exhaled with annoyance, and began to tell Galadlhach of the women they had been plagued with, and how to spot them if need be.   
  
However, Will was wasting his breath. Galadlhach may have been handsome, but teenage girl on our Earth would settle for him when there was Legolas to be found.   
  
On top of that, none of the girls were expecting to find Will in Middle Earth-if she wanted him, she could go to Cape Royale. Therefore, the two were quite safe unless they found some hopefull Mary Sue trying to find Legolas in Mirkwood.  
  
.  
  
With the forest of Mirkwood slowly disappearing in the morning haze, Will's hope heightened to its peak; he was near the ruins.   
  
Ahead in the distance, he could see large circular rocks jutting out of the rocky soil forming archways, and in the middle of these arches a crumbling tower loomed impressively above all the surroundings.   
  
Galadlhach quicken his pace and by noon the two had reached the outermost archway.   
  
"This is where the prince should be?" The Elf asked, skepticism growing in his tone. Will looked around wildly; he didn't know what to do now that he actually arrived at the ruins of Malir Sul.   
  
"Who are you?" Will heard Galadlhach demand. Confused, Will answered sarcastically, "Barbossa." He turned, and saw that the Elf was not addressing him, but a tall brown haired man.   
  
"I am Boro-" But the man stopped, gaping at Will, "You look like Legolas."   
  
"Well, Boro," Galadlhach began testily, "what are you doing here?"   
  
"It's Boromir, you plant, and I'm here to rescue Legolas from certain doom." The man snarled.   
  
"How many people does it take to rescue one Elf?" Will asked thoughtfully to no one in particular.   
  
"Where is Legolas?" Boromir continued, looking around.   
  
"He was kidnapped by one of them." Will answered.   
  
"So you came here?" Boromir asked sarcastically.   
  
"If only there was a sensible one of them." Galadlhach exhaled. Will and Boromir turned to look at the Elf, who was immersed in the writing the coated the surface on one of the arches.   
  
Boromir jerked, "I know of one!"   
  
"A sensible one?" Will exclaimed skeptically, wishing he and Legolas could have been as lucky.   
  
Galadlhach grinned, "Oh good. Now, the writing says that these women have an extensive knowledge, and can answer almost any question they are given."   
  
"Would your's know how to get rid of all the foreign women?" Will inquired. Boromir nodded indecisively, "How do we bring her here?"   
  
"There is an incantation," Galadlhach replied, and told him what to say.   
  
"Anganwen of Earth," Boromir began, I summon thee hither."   
  
"Who do you think you are, Shakespeare?" Will scoffed. Boromir ignored him, and Will quieted, because the arch that Boromir stood near began to hum, and the space in the arch began to twist and ripple like water.   
  
An instant later, a young woman walked out of the archway, gazing around with faint recognition. Catching sight of Boromir, she grinned. "How'd you find this place?"   
  
Before Boromir could supply her with an answer, two figures came hurdling out of nowhere, and slammed right into Will, knocking him down, creating a three bodied heap on an exceptionally sharp rock.   
  
Will wailed in pain, and kicked the people off him, rubbing his back and glaring at the two girls.   
  
They remained on the ground, looking perplexedly up at the three.   
  
"Where's Legolas?" One demanded.   
  
"Far from here, I believe you can find him on the quest for the one ring." Boromir snarled.   
  
The other girl smacked the first broadside of her head, "You told me it would work, now we're stuck here with the dead guy, some Elf, a chic, and-"   
  
She stopped, looking at Will as if she hadn't seen him before.   
  
"Orlando Bloom." They whispered together.   
  
Will slowly back away until he was against the crumbling tower in the middle of the ruins. The two girls were advancing on him, and he suddenly felt what Legolas must have, and panicked.   
  
He started climbing the tower; the stones were uneven and none totally secure, but he managed to reach the first window.   
  
He jumped through the window, and looked down at the scene below him. The next sound made him jerk, and whirl around. "Will? Is that you?" Asked a weary, familiar voice.   
  
-------------------------- "...you plant..." In another fanfic (The Irony of it All, chapter three), the main character compares Legolas and plants, and finds that they are similar.   
  
Hobbit-eyes: The fic sounds interesting, have you uploaded the first chapter? Tell me when you do so, I'd like to read it. Anyways, I don't think jack Sparrow will make a cameo unless I'm feeling daring while writing chapter ten (which is the last, by the way). Detective Treebeard... where do you get your ideas?  
  
Elven-Star-of-Gold: Twitching is fun...yey.  
  
Limpet666: Ickle Will. What fun. No, Hellga does not want to live in Middle Earth. I think therapy is needed for you, my dear Hellga.   
  
Ladida. 


	10. The Closing of the Portals

Chapter Ten  
  
"Legolas!" Will cried, helping the Elf stand. "Now isn't-" Legolas warned, but it was too late.   
  
"Drop the Elf right now." Commanded a cool voice. Will looked up, and saw another tediously beautiful girl glaring at him with both manicured hands on her hips.   
  
Will dropped Legolas into a heap, and drew out his sword, holding it right at the girls neck.   
  
"I'm going! I'm going!" She squealed, and disappeared.  
  
"She was never that agreeable with me." Legolas noticed, getting to his feet.   
  
"What did you tell her?" Will grinned, and imitated Legolas's whimper.   
  
The Elf was not amused.   
  
.  
  
"Get rid of every Mary Sue here?" Anganwen repeated softly, sitting on the ground. The two watched her apprehensively, and she continued, "There is a way to close all of these portals. I think it's at the top of the tower."  
  
"Will's up there right now. We can just ask him to." Boromir suggested.   
  
Galadlhach went to the base of the tower, going out of his way to kick the two girls that they had bound with some of Boromir's rope.   
  
"Will!" The Elf called, and a dark haired head appeared, and Galadlhach continued, "At the top of the tower there should be a switch, or something to close all of these portals. Can you do that?"   
  
Will called down an affirmation, and his head bowed out of sight. .   
  
"Now we wait." Anganwen sighed, lightly touching the nearest archway.   
  
.  
  
"The top of the tower?" Legolas repeated increduloudly, "The whole foundation is crumbling, Will, you'll kill yourself."   
  
"No I won't." Will assured. At Legolas's questioning look, he added, "Because you'll be the one climbing up, not me."   
  
Before Legolas could protest, Will gave his reasons, ticking them off with each finger, "You're more graceful than I, you made me climb that tree, and there are two more women down there dying to croon and love you that I'll set on you if you don't do this."   
  
Legolas looked as though he was stifling a whimper, but the twitch in his eyes showed his decision.   
  
"Great, I'll meet you at the bottom." Will finished brightly, and left.  
  
Legolas started up the stairs that wound around the room. Up and up he went until steps were missing and large holes frowned at him in the walls.   
  
When he thought he could go no higher, the stairs ended, and the was barely enough flagstone hanging to the wall to call it a floor.   
  
Gingerly, the Elf eased himself onto the floor, and spotted a small depression near the edge of the stone.   
  
He drew near it, and tried to push it down, and then to pull it up, but it was to no effect. Then he slid his hand around the edge of the floor, and reached under it, and smacked the small square up.   
  
Legolas didn't have time to consider why it had been pushed so far, but I will quickly explain. When the button was as high as it would go, which is where Legolas had gotten it, it closed all the portals. When it was depressed slightly, the regulation of how many women (and men, to not be sexist) could enter was very few.   
  
However, some defiant Mary Sue had figured this out, and stamped the button down as far as it would go, and thus, chaos ensued. Back to the story:  
  
A great wind threatened to send Legolas hurtling down to the ground, but he quickly went back down the stairs to meet the others.   
  
.  
  
Every archway suddenly glowed with light, and nearly a dozen teenaged girls appeared by the arches, and were then drawn in, and vanished.   
  
Mandy and Jess, who were still tied up, were thrown into one of the archways by Boromir and a laughing Will.   
  
The whole process took quite a long time because of the immense population of all the Mary Sues. Finally, no more women appeared, and Boromir smiled, "Well, I guess we're done."   
  
"Then why do they still glow?" Legolas inquired, coming out of the tower.   
  
"Maybe it takes awhile." Will suggested.   
  
"Or perhaps there is still one woman left." Galadlhach sighed, and all gazes turned to Anganwen, who already had a look of sorrow on her face.   
  
"You have to go." Boromir said gently, laying his hand on her shoulder. She nodded, looking around at the landscape, her eyes shining with tears.   
  
Without a word, she walked resignedly to the nearest arch, and disappeared into the light.   
  
All of the lights in the archway spluttered, and went out just as Will cried, "No!"   
  
Everyone turned to look at him expectantly.   
  
"Maybe one of those portals could have sent me back to Cape Royale." He sighed.   
  
Galadlhach and Legolas started speed-reading the text on every arch to see if there was portal for such matters.   
  
It was Will's lucky day, because Legolas found an arch separated slightly from all the others for the purpose of sending cameoed people back to their home.   
  
"Will of Cape Royale, I dismiss thee thither." Legolas recited.   
  
Wincing at the lameness of the incantation, Will hurried over, and peered through the arch. Instead of it glowing, he was looking into the dark room of the smithy. He turned around to look at the others, and grinned, "Too bad we didn't get an explanation." Legolas shrugged, "If I ever find one, I go through one of these portals and tell you."   
  
"Deal." Will agreed, and walked through the arch.   
  
.  
  
"What now?" Boromir asked. Galadlhach paused, then said, "I shall return to Mirkwood, and you, my prince?"   
  
"I shall go with you, for it seems I am no longer part of the Fellowship."   
  
"Indeed, it would be difficult to find them." Boromir agreed, "I believe I shall return to Gondor." And thus, with the Elves heading southeast, and the future steward of Gondor heading south, the party split, unaware how much they had screwed up the plot.   
  
The End  
  
(or is it?)  
  
(........Yeah.......It is)  
  
----------------------------------  
  
Hobbit-Eyes: I'm going to argue that some writers of bad fics use lots of randomness, and that's what makes his/her story so lame. Is the director's commentary any good? It seems like most of it would be a bit dull, but then, I'd be comparing it to the cast commentary. You have a signed Orlando Bloom poster? Did he sign it? Oh if only, if only... Lastly, you reviewed on the eighth, and you're still doing exams? That sucks, you have my sympathies.  
  
limpet666: Yey, I have another Faramir fan! That makes me happy.  
  
Hellga: Oh, I see. Those are just annoying technicalities that get in the way. I'd sacrifice all of those things to live in Hobbiton.... I'd insert Paris, but then things might get a bit too hectic, but doon't think I haven't entertained that idea.  
  
crazyrabidfangurl01: I couldn't agree with you more  
  
Elven-Star-of-Gold: Hmmmmmm  
  
Jade-Monsoons: Yey, I love your version of bad "die, MAry Sue, die." It made me chuckle 


End file.
